I would have asked how we are doing, but then again I already know the answer. I really wish you get to see this letter because it contains all the explanations we once asked for and the answers to the thousands of whys we once asked with tears in our eyes.
Do you remember the first time we ever prayed to God for something, how we made a thousand vows and even promised him that we would never ever sin again if only our prayers were answered. How we waited with fingers crossed for our answers, like an expectant mother we waited anxiously for answers, answers that never came.
I still remember us staring from that tiny square window in our room each and every day as we watched the sun rise and set, moons come and go, sometimes in halves and sometimes in full while our answers still remained nowhere to be found and as days faded to night, so did our faith in God fade too.
The numerous questions we sometimes asked ourselves whenever life took its turn on us, when the sun battered us from above and the cold drops of rain didn’t give us any form of happiness. Staring at the white ceiling and its brown robe of cobwebs it wore as our wounded mind wondered and wandered, does God even exist? If he did where was he? Could he even see us? I thought they said he was good and kind, a lover of children, if so why does it seem like he hates me?…….does God even exist? If He does, why can’t he see me? The twenty questions we asked, questions whose answers never came.
I still remember that hot afternoon we cried under that dark staircase, the day when unlike Job, we cursed God and dared Him to do His worst, to take our life if He pleased, after all He never gave us much to live for anyway. The day we cried, biting one finger and pointing another at God, we called Him wicked, heartless, unfair and unjust, we even called Him foolish as we waited for Him to do His worse. Compassionate indeed.
We always thought He was never there, when we cried over our addictions and pain, when our hungry stomach growled and our weak body nearly gave up. When we cried watching mama fall sick, when our heart raced at the sight of the landlord and when we were chased from school for lack of school fees only to meet an empty pot in the kitchen. When mama and papa had to work twice as hard because of us and as they tried hard to hide their stress and tiredness while it slowly killed them, not knowing that we noticed and so did the sight also slowly make us die inside. And our conclusion was that God was either wicked or He didn’t exist.
Little did we know how wrong we were, oh how so wrong we were. You see, all along He was there, He never left. Through the tears and the pain, He was there. And while we were busying cursing Him, He was busy mixing our tears with His, slowly arranging back our broken pieces like a builder. He was building our future, He called us His masterpiece. If only we knew the frequent cold chills we felt running down our spins and the sudden quietness in our stormy heart all those years were actually Him hugging us and gently whispering His words of peace into our ears.
Dear me, If you are reading this, I really wish you could see us now, the person we turned out to be. I wish you could see what He did with our pains, our anger and addictions, how He breathed His breath on them too and turned them to gifts, he changed their names, now anger is called love and pain called joy. Our addictions are now called testimonies used to encourage others.
So in conclusion, I know you may still be busy burying your head under your soaked pillow dripping with your tears, feeling empty and alone but I want you to know that He is here and there too, please stop for a second and feel His arms around you, He promised not to leave us nor forsake us, He never breaks a promise, please listen to Him, He loves us, He wants to help us, please give Him a chance, please open our heart. Please listen.
#His_Storyteller. #Stay Inspired.